Suffer the Little Bastards To Come Unto Me: A Parable

They came to Jesus, asking, “Master, who sinned that these children were born out of wedlock? If it was their moms and dads, we’ll poke them with sharp sticks and throw rocks at them. If it was the kids, we can call them names and take away their lunch money.”

Jesus took one of the children and placed him in their midst. Taking him in his arms, he said, “Dudes! It’s a kid! Lighten up.”

They were much amazed by his answer and grumbled amongst themselves, “Does he not understand that the welfare queens are holding a gun to our heads so they can drive a Cadillac and talk in Ebonics?”

Again he responded to them, speaking very slowly. “Verily verily I say unto thee: did my Father smite thee with the stupid stick? If you don’t remember, I was born out of wedlock to a brown-skinned woman?”

They pondered this in their hearts. “You know, we never thought of it that way,” they said. “Should we throw some rocks at your mother, then?”

“No!” he replied. “Haven’t you ever heard of ‘judge not, lest ye be judged’?”

“Does that mean you don’t want half the lunch money we’ve collected?”

And Jesus wept.

“Yes, but your dad stuck around to support you. Good thing your foster dad wasn’t gay…”

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