Although our faith is now best known for its association with Glenn Beck, Cleon Skousen, and ultra-cons, let the record reflect that there will be a passel of moderate and liberal Mormons on the National Mall in Washington DC for this weekend’s Rally to Restore Sanity.
In their honor, Mormon humorist Matt Workman and I have come up with the following list of top 10 reasons LDS people should “take it down a notch for America” this election season:
1. The Holy Ghost gets a contact rash from extremist political rhetoric.
2. There’s no need to freak out over politics when you have a year’s supply of rice, beans, wheat, and texturized vegetable protein in your garage.
3. No matter how socialist President Obama allegedly gets, he’s not bringing back the United Order.
4. It’s called the “plan of happiness,” not the “plan of paranoid partisan rhetorical ugliness.”
5. If the entire federal highway and transportation system implodes, the ability to walk across entire states is already part of your genetic makeup.
6. If things ever get really “Mad Max,” almost all Relief Society crafts can double as weapons or kindling.
7. Don’t green jello and funeral potatoes contain a natural “take it down a notch” enzyme?
8. I once shook hands with Barack Obama, and he felt like flesh and blood to me.
9. They’re not illegal immigrants, people; they’re “Lamanites,” and the story of how they got to America is really awesome.
10. Remember, the hymn says: “Let us oft speak kind words to each other,” not “let us oft call people we disagree with Hitler.”
And finally, one bonus reason:
11. We’ve got the soothing tones of Elder Richard G. Scott. If that doesn’t lower your blood pressure, nothing will.
Safe travels, and happy voting.
