The Death of Truthiness: A True Believer Mourns The Colbert Report

In the beginning, there was The Colbert Report.

I believe that today we lost the best and truthiest television program ever in the history of televisions—and of histories.

Known to his friends as The Rev. Sir Dr. Stephen T. Mos Def Colbert, D.F.A., Heavyweight Champion of the World, Stephen Colbert stood at the helm of the Report for nine short years, guiding us with his “tips of the hat,” chiding us with his “wags of the finger,” and standing up against leaders who “think with their heads rather than know with their hearts.”

A beacon of “truthiness,” Colbert warned us of reality’s “strong liberal bias” and in doing so, “America’s most famous Catholic” changed media, politics, and religion forever.  Mr. Colbert was a great American. Indeed, in his own words, Stephen Colbert was the greatest American.

Mr. Colbert was “Captain Catholicism” — the spokesman for God on earth. He got his start at The Daily Show, where in his segment, “This Week in God” was bathed in holiness. At the 2006 White House Correspondent’s Dinner he demonstrated his particularly American faith, saying, “I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion, be you Hindu, Jewish or Muslim. I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.”

Mr. Colbert decided God’s truth for viewers in his “Yahweh or No Way” segments: “Who better to decipher the Lord’s plan than someone with a God complex?” It was his burden to be God’s mouthpiece, ever discerning “the big guy’s” message.

Following in the footsteps of Papa Bear Bill’s The O’Reilly Factor, The Colbert Report squelched the War on Christmas with his own Blitzkrieg on Grinchitude and told all Americans when Easter was under attack. Mr. Colbert truly loved all God’s people (Republicans) – and via The Colbert Report, he was able to show the world God’s love of the GOP.

America’s sadness—and mine—at the loss of The Colbert Report is coupled with bitter knowledge that we are now left to for ourselves with Jesus-hating communists who control the media—you know who you are!

While The Colbert Report has moved on to its heavenly reward, the show will live on through followers in the Colbert Nation, the memory of patriotic “truthiness,” (and in Comedy Central marathons).

In lieu of flowers, please send money to Stephen Colbert’s Super Pac, Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow.