Bishops’ Advice on Planning Cheap Dates: No Sex

In this time of economic crisis, everyone is looking for ways to tighten their wallets. And if you are looking for a cheap date idea, the US Bishops Conference has exactly what you are looking for.

Well, maybe.

On their “marriage” website, the bishops have recently posted ten cheap date ideas.

Highlights include:

Number 2: “Tech-free” night. Turn off your cell phones, computer, the TV, and the lights. See what’s left to do without electricity. Sing old songs, have a pillow fight, recount stories of how you met, plan for the future.

Number 8: Cheap gift challenge. Head to your local department store and challenge each other to come up with the most romantic gift possible. Two requirements: It can’t cost more than $20, and it must be used that night.

Number 10: Find-My-Heart treasure hunt. Cut out some paper hearts and hide them around your home. On each heart write an endearing statement about your spouse plus a clue to the next heart. At the end enjoy a heartfelt treat together.

Other ideas include: midnight bowling, spiritual sharing, picnicking, and doing a home spa treatment.

What isn’t included in any of these date suggestions: sex.

Are they serious? Couples (married or not) are going to turn off the TV, cell phone, computers and lights and…have a pillow fight? Come on now. That’s the best advice they can give?

And a heartfelt treat at the end of the treasure hunt. What could that be? A Snickers bar? A pint of Ben and Jerry’s?

Why are the bishops afraid to mention sex? This site is meant for married couples, so sex (as long as it is contraception-free and open to baby making) is perfectly acceptable in their eyes.

I did a little perusing on the rest of the site and found only three articles on sex – one of which was entitled “Not tonight, honey.”

This leads me to believe that this sex-phobia of the Catholic hierarchy extends well past premarital or same-gender sex, all the way to the married, heterosexual sex that they are supposed to praise.

And by fearing sex and avoiding talking about it, the bishops are not helping couples – married or not, gay or straight – at all.