Dear Democrats:
Hi! Haven’t heard from you since the election. Well, there were all those emails begging for a check, but I always throw those in the trash. I don’t hold them against you, it’s what all the political parties do.
I thought it might be nice to renew our friendship with a little unsolicited advice. Here’s one piece: do what Mike Lux tells you. That’s a good general piece of advice, but in this case, I am referring in specific to a piece he wrote last week arguing that it’s only the bumbling of the GOP that’s keeping Democrats competitive in this year’s elections. There’s no doubt about it: the GOP is running a bunch of whackadoodles this year, and Dems ought to be thanking their maker for that. Mike offers up a good suggestion for shaping campaign 2010:
It remains imperative for Democrats to embrace taking on the deep and persuasive corporate corruption of Washington. It is not enough to remind people how kooky the Republicans have become, Democrats have to become fierce advocates for change and reform, for a government that isn’t in thrall to the banks and BP and the insurance companies. When they do that, the contrast with the ever more extremist pro-corporate all the time Republicans becomes ever clearer.
I agree. Run against Republicans, but even more so, run against Wall Street. This is perhaps the most populist election since Andrew Jackson got re-elected back in 18-dickety-do. So stand up for the little guy (and stop sending those damn e-mails). It’s the only way you’re going to win. In fact, I’m going to go Mike one better. Since “faith outreach” is currently the biggest thing since sliced bread in the political world, you might want to figure out how to frame the populist message for religious voters. So here’s my (again unsolicited) advice: tell the voters that Big Money, whether from Wall Street or the GOP is Pharaoh. Average citizens=the Israelites. You=Moses. Rinse. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Get the idea? People want more than an incremental adjustment in tax offsets. They want to be liberated from making bricks for The Man. The first party that can offer them a meaningful alternative for the future wins, and wins big.
Now I know that you’re not very judgmental, my dear Democrats. You like a big tent, you don’t like making people uncomfortable, let alone vilifying them. It’s one of your more admirable traits, honestly.
But I want you to cram that aspect of your personality as far down in a hole as you possibly can. Stuff it down in the cellar, fill the room with concrete, lock the door, throw away the key, and then bury that mother ten feet deep. People want real freedom, and real alternatives to getting screwed on wages, health care, education, retirement and whatever penal-servitude-in-an-office-cubicle they’ve been subjected to. They’re not going to believe it’s possible to receive such alternatives until you convince them that you’re ready to take on the people what put them into the brickyard and took away their straw in the first place. So get ready to get rough.
Casting it in biblical terms might seem like a bit of overkill, but I trust you to figure out how to stick the shiv in with finesse. It’s simple, straightforward, and a winner.
Yeah, I know. That’s why there’s not a hope in hell that you’re going to try it. I just thought you might like some kind of alternative to the gospel of austerity and beating up on unemployed people.
It really isn’t that difficult. Big Money is Pharaoh, average citizens are the Israelites, and you, you dear Democrats, you get to be Charlton Heston with the fake beard and the twin slabs of rock. Given what else is going on this summer, I thought you might like that role. As always, take it for what it’s worth.
Yours sincerely, blah blah blah, Pastor Dan
P.S.: thanks to J.P. Green for tipping me off about Mike’s piece, and for the “Keystone Kops” bit.
